A Rant on What You Should Call Me

Dump those words!!! The Forward has printed my argument for banning E-words and the like, with this great illustration by Kurt Hoffman. It's part of the Forward's new Aging section.
You can see all the stories at this link , including mine. Or just keep reading:.

Elderly. Senior. Senior Citizen. Aged. Olster. Old.

The words rile. They’re not me. I ski, scull, climb mountains, blog, freelance and, yes, enjoy sex, even as I qualify for Social Security. Nor do they describe an energized generation of 60 and 70-somethings and beyond, many of whom shun the word “retirement.”  These men and women may be leaving longtime careers but they are not “pulling back,” which “retire” (from the French retirer) means.

Instead, many are moving on to new challenges and to exhilarating pursuits – bringing their expertise and education to other venues, developing latent skills and creativity, and competing athletically at the highest levels.

Take the Boston Marathon runner shown repeatedly on TV in April as he was knocked to the ground by the first bomb. That was Bill Iffrig, 78, who then stood up and finished the race.

What got me ranting about words used to describe people of a certain age? It was a news story last year about  a woman who fought off a purse snatcher. She landed in the hospital with broken facial bones – but still had her purse. The reporter called her “elderly,” and quoted a police officer who said she was, “like most grandparents, a little feisty.” She was 66.

Now I understand the insult my parents felt when, in their 70s, they came through customs after a ski trip. “What’s in the big bag?” the agent asked.

“Skis,” they said. The customs agent lifted an incredulous eyebrow and laughed.

Older people have long felt diminished by such condescension. In 1940, the industrialist-philanthropist Bernard Baruch (at age 70) reportedly said, “Old age is always 15 years older than I am.” Since then, however, American lifespans have expanded significantly.

In 1960, a newborn could expect to live to age 70. Today it’s 78. And those who make it to 65 can expect to live another 19 years, to age 84 on average.

People who leave careers in their 50s or 60 may well enjoy 30 more years of dynamic life, before they become frail and infirm, perhaps rightfully called “old.”  And the cohort of healthy older folks is exploding. In 1940, nine million Americans were over 65. Today there are more than 42 million – a big group to offend, with the Boomers just entering the frame.

Anna Quindlen, in her book  Lots of  Candles, Plenty  of Cake, also rails against the word “elderly,” which she admits to having used “with casual regularity” as a younger writer. Now 60, she admits that as she aged, ‘‘elderly’’ seemed “more and more pejorative … When people lived to be 65, 60 was old. When they live to be 80, 60 is something else. …So we face an entirely new stage of human existence without nomenclature, which is an interesting challenge, because what we call things matters.”

To keep pace with the changing times, Elderhostel got rid of “elder” and became Road Scholar in 2010. Today,  programs once aimed at “seniors” are now for “life learners.” AARP wants you to forget that its acronym once stood for the American Association for Retired Persons.

The idea of “adolescence” didn’t exist over the centuries when children went straight to adulthood, working in fields or factories. That changed in 1904 with the publication of psychologist G. Stanley Hall’s Adolescence. Now there’s a drumbeat to name yet another emerging demographic, the one before frailty and dependence set in.

In her 2006 book, Doing Sixty and Seventy, Gloria Steinem writes:  “I’m beginning to see that life after 50 or 60 is itself another country, as different as adolescence is from childhood, or as adulthood is from adolescence--and just as adventurous… If it’s to become a place of dignity and power, it will require a movement as big as any other.”

In recent years, writers, sociologists and others have proposed names for life post-60 or so. Parade Magazine readers, in a contest, suggested “seasoned citizens,”  “geri-actives,” “zoomers,” and “wellderly.” Others have proposed “third age,” “third act,” “middlesence,” “late middle age,” and “life- take2.”  

Marc Freedman, a leader in the movement to recast the image of older people, founded Encore.org (formerly Experience Corps) and the Purpose Prize. “Never before have so many people had so much experience and the time and the capacity to do something significant with it,” Freedman writes. “That’s the gift of longevity.”

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, a professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, titled her 2009 book The Third Chapter and calls this time of life  "the generative space that follows young adulthood and middle age.”

Anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson, in her 2010 book Composing a Further Life, argues that the challenge in growing older is to continue to find ways to contribute, drawing on “the wisdom culled from long lives and rich experience.” Conversely, society’s challenge is “to recognize that contribution and to benefit from it instead of dismissing it.”

So, what to call people like me? I’m okay with “older person” or “late middle aged,” which is how I feel. Better yet, I’m in my “encore” stage of life. Or you could just cite my age, 67.

Perhaps Quindlen says it best: “After the middle ages comes the renaissance.”

Follow my blog at www.UnRetiring.blogspot.com or on Twitter @unRetiring

Anna Quindlen on the "E" Word

In her new book,  “Lots of  Candles, Plenty  of Cake,”  Anna Quindlen does her own riff on the word “elderly.” (I was happy to see I’m in good company).  As happened to me,  it's a news story that ticked her off. In her case, it’s when the writer describes  a couple fending off a burglar as "elderly." The woman was 68. "How is that elderly/" Quindlen says she "ranted." "That's not elderly!"

So Quindlen seeks out journalism sites and writing stylebooks “to nail down the cutoff point for "elderly."

She finds that it’s a “moving target.” According to a Pew research report she discovers,  “most people said old age begins at 68. But most people over the age of 65 thought it was 75.” She researches her own clips.

"I discovered to my horror that I had used the adjective with casual regularity.” Though as she edged toward  her current age,  60,  her usage dwindled. 

“As I aged, ‘elderly’ seemed more and more pejorative … In other words, old is wherever you haven’t gotten to yet.”

“It’s all relative,"she writes on page 106, " the way it was when I got pregnant for the first time at 31 and everyone in our two families thought I’d left it rather late and everyone in our urban friendship circle thought I was rushing into it…. When people lived to be 65, 60 was old. When they live to be 80, 60 is something else. We’re just not sure what yet. A friend told me she thought it was summed up in the message inside a birthday card she got from her mother, ‘ After the middle ages comes the renaissance.’”

"So we face an entirely new stage of human existence without nomenclature, which is an interesting challenge, because what we call things matters. That’s why I recoiled from ‘elderly.’ The words we use, and how we perceive those words, reflect how we value, or devalue people, places and things. After all, one of the signal semantic goals of the early women’s movement was to make certain grown women were no longer referred to as ‘girls.’”

Thanks, Anna!

Some of you offered your own thoughts about the “E” word, after my blogs on it..(Elderly, take1 ; take2

“’Elderly’ should be banned." “

That’s what Libby Rosof suggests. “It’s a political statement. I have a 90-year-old friend who’s damned spry and hardly elderly. Just say how old, not characterize. That’s my solution.”

“How about ‘sixty-something’ or ‘seventy-something,’ or is that too cute?” writes a college classmate.

And here is a suggested style book entry for my favorite newspaper,  from one of its former reporters.

 

Murray Dubin, writes:

 “Using ‘elderly’ does imply frailty and should not be used unless the physical stature of the person is important to the story. Adjectives describing age and appearance are charged with meaning. Be cautious using them.  As a guideline. leave them out and use exact age – where appropriate – or no age reference at all.”